You were good to me. You were there when I was sad and when I thought my happiness would survive only if he loved me back or at all. You were there as an escape and a confident and in a strange way a guide.
It's been over a year. He and I now live together, he moved in with me almost a year ago. We've been happy. This relationship thing is not as easy as the movies make it seem. When you're dating someone and each person has their own living space, at the end of the date, or the weekend, or the few days together, each person goes home to fart, snore, eat too much, talk too little and do whatever it is that constitutes them as their own person. Once you live together that's all out the window, everything is out in the open and you start getting to know each other all over again... Sometimes what you find isn't what you expected and some moments may frighten you, others may surprise you in lovely way, the rest of it is just the day-to-day stuff that becomes your new life, and it goes on and on and on...
We're happy. But it hasn't been rainbows and show tunes and sparkles.
I should start from the beginning, or the end of the relationship we had which lead us to now, the present, the ever-evolving continuation of this story.
I stopped seeing him. I hated him and loved him and hated myself and all that stuff that you already know. As the days passed I started feeling peace. I felt energized and happy and sociable and I was me again, not that pathetic, whiny, weak person I had become. And yet he came into my life again and he was persistent and he said he'd made a mistake and he wanted to make things right, he wanted to show me, he wanted this for him and if I wanted it too, which I did, he wanted to show me it could work, and that he'd put in all the work needed to make it, at least as much as one person can, in a relationship made by two.
The beginning was rocky. I didn't trust him and I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing but I did know I loved him, like I love him now and like I've loved him for a very long time. And every day he held on, even when I would question myself, question him, question us. Every day I reminded myself that he was a bonus to the good life and the many fortunes I have.
The ride has been sweet but this journey's not over. Sometimes I want to smack him in the head when he leaves the toilet seat up and I'm sure my driving makes him want to punch kittens and there are Thursdays when we don't agree what the plan for the upcoming weekend should be and he likes hot showers and I like them cold and there's so much to synchronize but so much hope and so many plans it's fascinating.
The best thing yet: I'm okay, more than just okay. I can do anything, be anywhere, everything is really great. He's the bonus and there's so much goodness and I'm so thankful and proud and excited and full.
It's bliss
*Currently listening to Apartment by Young The Giant*
