He Had A Problem. I Have A Problem.

The problem in my previous relationship is that I got fed up, I lost all patience and I started seeing things for what they were... He said he loved me and I knew it was true, but one day I saw through all the bullshit and I woke up exhausted. I couldn't put up with the jealousy and his attempts to control me anymore. I started questioning if he in fact loved me, or if he loved his idea of what I should be.

My dedication to our relationship ceased to matter to him. His accusations were more and more far fetched each day and I would find myself in awe. Eventually I didn't want to see him very often, for I knew that every time we'd see each other, there would be an argument. Sometimes, I didn't even want to talk to him. In simple terms, it sucked. He took away the magic, my desire to love him, our intimacy, and our friendship. I couldn't tell him everything anymore, sometimes he'd take things that I'd say as an opening for questioning, sometimes he'd believe something completely different from what I was telling him.

Back then, I used to think, he had turned into a monster.

And eventually, like everything else, I left.

And because life seems to be a big giant irony, I have now become that monster. And now I wonder if perhaps he was right, if perhaps I could have comforted him differently, if perhaps I could have done things in a way to keep what we had alive.

Sometimes I miss him... He was after all not just my lover and my partner but my best friend. And still, 'till this day, I think it's a shame that something so good could have been ruined by something so ridiculous.

And now, since everything is a lesson, is time for me to remember this and do things right.

Breathe in, breathe out, move on.



*Currently listening to I Can Change by LCD Soundsystem*