The most difficult thing was to be certain that I was making the right choice. Should I stay or should I go? Well, what's the right answer anyway? If I stay, there's the possibility of getting hurt over and over again. If I go, I don't have him, in any way. And who says it couldn't have been good? But it's hard to believe it could with all this chaos, and when his actions say otherwise. And it's hard not to want to believe him when he says, over and over again, that he wants to be by my side...
I was once told that in life, anything can be achieved by taking baby steps. I've determined the first three steps for me to take.
Step 1: Separation. From him, his friends and any situation that could put him in my face.
Step 2: Stop the crying. Right at this moment, I feel so dry that I think this may be easier than it sounds. Perhaps I cried it all out already and my tear ducts will be forever dry. If not, I must get a hold of myself and stop it. I can't continue to cry at work, at home, while driving, when I listen to any random song. It must all stop.
Step 3: Stop the music. I'm sorry Bernadette, I'm sorry Friends of Distinction, I'm sorry every single song that was put on the CD I made for him like a cheesy high school girl. You must all be put on hold, until I can hear you again without wanting to tear my heart out.
If I can accomplish these three steps, for now, I think I may be okay.
I've been through pretty difficult moments in my life and nothing has hurt as much as this. But I will pull through and it will be okay and my heart will beat regularly again.
*Currently not listening to anything, I'm petrified of Pandora*
How To Develop Value-Based Spending Habits
1 year ago
Maju -
ReplyDeleteI remember the day you walked into my office and I asked you to tell me about your life. When you did, I couldn't believe you were still standing after all of it. The only thing that gave away any feeling was your nervous laughter. Then I remember the circumstances surrounding your father's death and how you handled it. You are the strongest person I know sweetie. You will carry through anything put in front of it and you will remain sweet and sincere.
Trust your instinct like you always have and listen to the music in your heart, that's your therapy, more than anything else I, or anyone else could say to you.
This is your first heartbreak and chances are, more may occur at some point in your life. It is hard, like bearing children and that's something you're yet to experience too. But when you finally come out of it, you will be stronger, wiser and more willing to open up to the possibilities offered to you.
You have a light that always shines in you and it will keep you in good shape even when you don't believe you will be able to pull through.
Good luck dear.