Mom - And Dad.

Motherhood

I've never thought of being a mother. I've never really wanted children...

I lie! Once, I dated this handsome guy, well, I thought we were dating, and I considered it. I thought of baby names and cute little outfits and what type of education I'd want for them and whether he'd make a good father or not. It turned out to be, he and I weren't dating at all... And that thought of kids was also temporary. I've never really wanted to be a mother.

Everybody says that eventually one day I'll want it and I'll be an excellent mother. It scares me. It's a huge responsibility. It scares me to think that I'd be responsible for shaping somebody's life and providing for a little tiny being. It scares me to think that perhaps I'll make the wrong choices and mess that person's life. It scares me to think that I wont be able to provide a healthy, happy environment for this tiny little creature that is supposed to be my treasure. It scares me to think that I might be too selfish and be unhappy for not being able to do all the things I enjoy doing now... Perhaps it is that I'm just not ready. Perhaps I'll be. Perhaps being a mother just isn't for me.

On the other hand, I've been incredibly fortunate to have the mother that was assigned to me. She's been a role model, a best friend, a mentor. She nags and lectures and asks me to look within when I don't even know what I'm supposed to be looking for. She's always been there, sacrificing her needs for me whenever she had to, giving it all. I couldn't have someone better by my side.

Hopefully I've taken enough from her example to help me be a mother if the time ever comes for me to be one.


My Father

He wasn't always there when it mattered, at least not in sappy, sentimental ways. I can't recall everything exactly, but I do recall that one year, for Mother's day, he showed up and told us all to pack our bags cause we were going away. School? Who cares! Family trip, get in the car.

We went to Medellin for a week. Like a real family. Stopping at every town to taste their local cuisine and blasting all of our favorite songs, all genres, on the stereo. He held my mothers hand and told her that he loved her so many times... It was times like that, when I'm sure we all thought the happiness would last forever.

I miss him, even when it wasn't as happy.



*Currently listening to Stars by The XX*