One Day, I'll See You In Heaven.

My father passed away exactly four years ago. I found out through a message on my answering machine. Who leaves a message on an answering machine informing someone her father has passed away? My sister was right in front of me while I listened to the message. She already knew. She was waiting for my mother to tell me. My mother was on her way from Arizona to give me the news.

As I listened to the message on the machine I started laughing. I guess I was nervous. I looked at my sister and said: 'What? Is this a joke?', when she didn't respond I knew it wasn't a joke. It would have been a bad joke but I would have taken that over reality. I broke down.

The days after his death were very hard for me. I wasn't there to say good bye. He was my favorite, I was his favorite. We had a special bond.

The days after his death were hard. They had a tint of sadness but a great sense of calm. It's very hard to explain. I knew I'd be okay.

As I write this, I can't stop the tears from streaming. There is still no sense of sadness. I miss him and I'll never have him physically again. I will never again be able to hear his voice respond to my amusing stories or tell me a joke when I'm feeling blue. I still love him and he'll always love me. He's there. I can feel it. But sometimes I wish he could be HERE, to meet my new friends, to see my life, to laugh that loud, euphoric laugh that I inherited from him...

4 years feels like it hasn't been long enough. It still feels like yesterday.

I miss you. I love you. See you in my dreams Dad.

'habla mas que vitrola vieja'

*Currently listening to Lock Your Doors by Tandemoro*