Then & Now

I posted this in December and I was going through some old posts and thought it would be appropriate for right now:

Last Night, after being out with one of my best friends and arriving to an empty home, I had a little bit of a melt down.

I’m soon going to turn 30. I’ve pushed the one man who loved me unconditionally away from me. I run from commitment. I’m scared of vulnerabilities. I’m inadequate when it comes to feeling. I’m practical and non-conventional when it comes to love affairs. I’m every man’s dream when it comes to a woman to have a fling with, but at the end of the day, I’m alone.

I have great people around me. I have friends, real friends. There's love coming my way. I have a fun, interesting life. I have a career, I have a job, I have good health and I have a caring, fulfilling family... I even have a cute pet to go with all of it... Somehow last night, it wasn't enough.

I felt the loneliness last night. I felt it and I melted, just a little bit.

Some things have changed, others haven't. I am now 30. I feel like I may be capable of opening up to feeling and I'm not necessarily lonely. Some things are still the same.

My needs right now are others. I feel betrayed, not by a lover but by someone closer and more important. Like everything, this too, shall pass.

*Currently listening to Micheal by Franz Ferdinand*