I Lose. Got It.

When I saw the messages my heart sunk. It didn't sink, it drowned. I read them three times. The first time I thought I was reading wrong, that there was some mistake, something I was missing. I thought that perhaps I was misinterpreting something. That it wasn't like it seemed.

It was clear though. It was some sort of sign, right there for me to see. Transparent.

Everything was always a lie. Always. Everything.

He tricked me. He was so smooth with his lies, with his apologies, with his promises. Every time he said he loved me I believed it. Every time he touched me I thought he meant it. Every nice gesture now means nothing.

This has been going on for too long. I knew that at some point I'd have to say it'd been enough. I've had enough, I've looked away too many times, I've listened to too many lies. I tried. There's no way I could trust him again, there's no way to believe in anything any more. There's nothing else to do.

He loses me but it feels like I lost the battle. I'm sitting here empty and broken. I lose, cause I don't think he ever really wanted me. He didn't. I should have known.

I wish I could feel mad...

*Currently listening to Melt My Heart to Stone by Adele*