Confused.

I should start by clarifying that when I say or refer to 'my baby', I am not referring to my boyfriend. I really do mean my baby, my Mara.

Movies to watch as soon as possible: I've loved you so long (French - Il y a longtemps que je t'aime) and Elegy.

Things to do as soon as possible: Write a book.

I'm at my parents' home. It feels strange without them here. I have a room here, but it doesn't feel like it's mine. It feels alien, borrowed. The back yard is huge to me. They have an apple tree, grapes, a peach tree, various plants I don't know and bird houses, a fountain and what they call a 'vertical pool'. A bird made its nest on one of the pots, the plant is dead, I can see little eggs. The desert soothes me and also makes me anxious, I keep waiting for something to happen.

Every once in a while, a person will come into my life and make me question what I believe in and how I carry on with my life. When I'm feeling so many things at such intensity, I long for the slumber of feeling distant, numb. Happily oblivious, to be more precise.

*currently listeining to Diosa Coronada, La Tierra del Olvido, Carlos Vives*