One of those nights, when the crowd started thinning out, one of my good friends, one of my favorite guys in this world, sat by my side and moving from topic to topic in blurry conversation we agreed that if we ever reached 40 and we were still single, we'd marry. It was a serious joke, one of those things you say and laugh about but stays clearly in mind, like the echo of a bell that rang loudly at your side.
A would call him a womanizer but he's a gentleman, he's sensitive and he's considerate. He simply loves women. All of them, in all their shapes, sizes, backgrounds. He's also tall, dark, handsome, successful, well-mannered, sexy, a catch, ladies like him too... He'd say I'm trouble, but I know he knows I can be dedicated and we've always been there for each other, in one way or another. He claims to be a good Samaritan, he'll be there for a lady friend in need...
The conditions of this union, according to our partially drunken conversation stand as follows: We'll be together but have an open relationship, each person gets to do whatever and the only rules are honesty and that we come first, the rest is the rest, people, social obligations, whatever...
It's a joke, it's obviously far fetched, unrealistic and delusional. But still, I wonder, could a relationship under those terms work? And, if it were really a plan in motion, would the fact that we share a great friendship and that there's an obvious attraction be enough for a happy union? I wonder if open relationships work well for people like us. Is that the answer?
We will be married. Eventually, to each other or not... Answers, questions, colors and sounds everywhere... And still I think that marriage, may just not be for me.
*Currently listening to Great DJ by The Ting Tings*
No.
ReplyDeleteIt might illustrate to try thinking of what it might be like to raise a child with him. Could you have an open relationship where anyone, could come and be another father to your child?
Then you couldn't have a marriage where anyone could come and be your husband.
Open marriage and polyamory works if you are able to pull it off but you will find that kids change the equation - alot of the polys settle down and become monogamous at least through the early years. The main thing , as I understand it, about being poly - is that you can feel in love with multiple people and they sort of see that as ok.
But its a delicate balance.
Basically it adds up to something like.
You can fuck some of the people all of the time, and you can fuck all of the people some of the time. But can you fuck all of the people, all of the time?
No.
ReplyDeletePlus quite in reality, I've notice I am a one man gal, at least sexually. I can not have sexual relations with more than one, because if I am into ONE person, everyone else loose their pretty shine and he's the only one I'll want.
ReplyDeleteI've never been sexually active with more than one person at a time.