Two Notes - One Post - Random.

The first part of today was rough... A week's worth of work awaited me at the office. My inbox laughed in my face at my expression of horror when it displayed the number of unread emails I had to tackle. It felt like outlook was looking me straight in the eye and in a mocking voice said 'take that'.

A lesson, in life, everything is a lesson. Too much fun and not enough rest brought upon a cold, that later on brought upon something more serious, and when the doctor said bed rest, I could have sworn she was sentencing me to brutal labor in a dark prison cell... 3 days home doing nothing, a waste of my time, a waste of my brain.

At least I was focused today. I'm not always focused. But my mind works in wonderful, mysterious ways and when it counts, it gives me what I need and I felt sharp, ready, capable. Things are coming along and I predict, that by noon tomorrow, everything should have gone back to normality... Normality often sounds like a boring state, right now it sounds exciting and pleasant.



On another note... I realized at some point last week that I had allowed myself to start hoping again and as I suspected it turned out badly. And when an entire week passed without hearing much from him, I realized hope had no use when it comes to him.

I read something somewhere, 'I loved him as he wanted, he loved me as he could and I can't continue to love like this', and when I remembered this line, I immediately remembered another one, 'pain is inevitable but suffering is optional'... My subconscious answers all important questions in due time...

So I've filed that story in archives that rarely get visited and today, when somebody asked me about him, I honestly responded that I didn't know. And for the first time I meant it, because for the first time, I felt like I didn't care.

Oblivion, another welcomed state.

*Currently listening to By Your Side by Sade*