Public answer for Turnerbroadcasting...
About your question, why do I not post about something else? Why can't I post about him?
Do you remember how it feels when somebody occupies your life entirely? How it affects your mind, heart, what you see day to day, how the meanings to songs all relate, how the taste of everything carries a certain note... Do you remember the days when your first and last phone call of the day were to the same person? Day after day. Do you remember the dreamy days of making plans for the future that included this one person that makes you very happy?
Well It's like that.
Everything is him.
Everywhere.
And sometimes, it's overwhelming, and frightening and it makes me anxious. And it makes me a little crazy.
And sometimes, it's too much for me to handle.
So here, on this blog. In this space. My sacred sanctuary and blank page. Here, it should be me and my random thoughts. He's not random, he's become constant. He's taking up too much space.
I can't move if he's here.
Maybe the random will come. Maybe it will. I hope.
*Currently listening to Sideways by Citizen Cope*
How To Develop Value-Based Spending Habits
1 year ago
A little crazy? Hmm....
ReplyDeleteChiquita banana, did you know there are people who wish to be loved like this and never have it? I hope this guy treats you well and I hope you are getting everything you need. You are a great woman and everything you do is great too.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong in giving yourself to someone as long as the feeling is returned.
I agree with Marco. When my daughter was born the world filled with love for her and then when my son came along I wondered if I could love them both as much? And somehow your heart just doubles in size.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course, since he's a little boy - I get to use a few devices on him too. That helps.
Its really cool to be in love. I've been in love a few times and it almost always shocks me how love will creep up on you with its little tiny elf machine gun. Then tie you up and put you in a bag and drag you out into the middle of the frozen lake. And you will be staring up at the stars and the ice will start to fragment and the duct tape over your mouth gets loose and then you'll see a shooting star.
ReplyDeleteAnd it will come down right where you land and leave just nothing but a big glowing crater where the lake once was.
And you have a ultraviolet galactic day.
David - A little. I've seen worst. At least give me that much.
ReplyDeleteMarco - He treats me well. I'm not sure that I'm getting everything I want. I've heard I'm pretty demanding :)
I'm not sure if the feeling is returned. I want to believe it is.
Turner - My days are usually unltraviolet and intergalactic.
It was really good for me to talk to you last night. Know that you had a good effect. Thank you!