I was having a pretty good day. First day of not crying and actually getting out of bed. I had brunch with a good friend and we went to The Getty and then for sushi and then for a bit of shopping... It was so nice to vent and have her listen to me and I was starting to feel like I would be okay. Like I actually wouldn't let things get to me anymore. I was deleting the multiple emails I received from him and I felt like I was getting stronger, like the pain was slowly easing up its grip on me.
Then, I got home and in a moment of sheer stupidity I read one of his emails... He said he missed me so much he was considering cutting his trip short... For a second, I felt tiny bit of hope, and just like that, a couple of minutes later, I read what he'd posted for his brother: That he's having so much fun in Brazil... Everything, always, a lie. I get nothing but lies.
He has the power to hurt me over and over again. Even miles and miles away... Now, I'm back to tears, back to that horrible pain...
I'm glad he's so far away. I'll probably never hate him but I sure don't want to love him at all. I knew I was doing right by not believing him and I hate myself for feeling hope, even if for a second, even if it is wrong.
No more emails. There will be no phone calls or visits or anything else.
Asshole.
*Currently in silence, I can't stand sound of any kind*
How To Develop Value-Based Spending Habits
1 year ago
It really pains me to read that you are so torn and heartbroken. It really gets better sweetie and all you have to do is just go with the flow of things. You always try to be so strong and you have to let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Let it flow. It's going to be ok and we all love you.
ReplyDeleteYou are the nicest people I know and you are bright and funny and smart and generous. Life has good things waiting for you and if he couldn't see that well too bad. He's not a bad guy but he doesn't deserve you.
Keep your head up even when it hurts.
I suppose I could listen. Maybe. Then again, I'm a guy so bear in mind any listening skills are kind of hit or miss.
ReplyDeleteIf you put a moving object in front of me, my eyes will follow it and my concentration will drift.
Uh... ok. So what I can offer in terms of nice sensitive advice... let's see... umm...
my dog was glad to see me yesterday?
He uh. Made a whiney sound? But it was a really cute whiney sound. Sort of like. "load me up in the backseat now, and let's go camping!" sound.
...
Let's see. What else. Um.. Oh yeah. Salt water pools are really fun to swim in. They don't chlorinate you.
Ok. there you go. Sensitive guy's corner.
Oh wait. One more thing.
I saw this movie called "The Proposal".. it was really good.
Oh yeah. And the dewormer on my kittens worked.
Wow I missed the part about how you said you were stupid.
ReplyDeleteAs in.. in the title of this post? In big block letters...
No. Thinkster, you're not stupid.
I mean, I'm smarter than you but I like to hang around smart people. :D
You think you're smarter than me.. You're just older... :)
ReplyDeleteTurner - Yes, I'm not stupid, but I really felt dumb that day... I'm slowly going back to happiness. I'm not the same person but at least I will be happy again.
Did you know that little sheep blow kisses in the dark when their eyes are closed and they're dreaming of islands?
Age and cunning beat youth and skill.
ReplyDeleteI just saw 'sex drive'. I laughed so hard I almost choked on my tongue.
do androids dream of electric sheep?
ReplyDelete