I Could Care Enough To Take A Walk. Away.

It's still. It's passed midnight and I'm still awake. I should be sleeping... It's hard to concentrate when these thoughts are fucking with my head... It was a good weekend, yes, it was. It was his birthday, and my sister's and they were both happy, I was happy. I had good dinners and good fun, watched a movie, saw a show, planned and enjoyed a great party, gifted my loved ones with things that made them happy. It was good.

Life is what you make it out to be. The choices I make are on me and I am responsible for my own happiness...

I keep going back and forth and no matter how great things appear to be, there's always something in the back of my head that keeps nagging, keeps tugging and keeps telling me that all this good is just for show... When you've been lied to and when your feelings have relentlessly been played with, it's hard to just let go.

A good friend once told me: 'You will forgive and forget and be able to move on one day, but it will take compassion and that comes deep from within the heart'. Compassion... Might I have none of it?

My choice, my choice. I really just want to be blissfully happy. In the words of a dinosaur: 'To live free and with a sense of urgency'.

Good night world. I will see you all tomorrow.

*Currently listening to Joosy Froot by Jared Mees and The Grown Children'