Totally Cool.

I'm vain.

I like it when the gay men in WeHo admire my shoes. I like it when I leave my hair down and people run their hands through it and say 'oh, honey, so pretty'. I like it when the bartender buys my last drink of the night, when the city lights match my smile and when the sounds of Hollywood kiss my soul.

I'm blessed.

When I pick up my favorite blondie every weekend for a new adventure and she flashes that smile at me and we vow to be dangerous I feel a flutter of joy inside of me. When my sister and I break into hysterical laughter over something ridiculous either of us did during the day it is the best sort of fantastic. When my handsome, most stunning, advisor/trainer/best-male-friend tells me all the truths I really need to hear I feel like I'm being cared for.

I ♥ L.A. - Not the Hollywood or West LA area like some Angelenos, or the beach areas for those in it but EVERYTHING L.A. - I love the smells, the millions of restaurants, the art galleries, the party people, the plastics, the poor, the rich, the hipsters, the sounds on each freeway, the tunes on each street, the hippies, the fashionistas, the aristocratic, the want-to-be actors/musicians, the want-to-be-gangstas and everything in between. I love Fred 62's after dancing at a Hollywood Club all night and riding my bike from Santa Monica to Venice beach, I crave everything in the Farmer's Market at The Grove and look forward to quiet lunches at Solar de Cahuenga. I enjoy blasting my stereo while stuck in L.A. traffic. I like Happy Hour at Grandville and shopping in Melrose and scoping new places with my favorite peeps...

I have found home. Finally.

*Currently listening to Un Amor, Gipsy Kings*

Warrior.

The Warrior of the Light views life with tenderness and determination.

He stands before a mystery, whose solution he will one day find. Every so often, he says to himself: "This life is absolutely insane".

He is right. In surrendering to the miracle of the everyday, he notices that he cannot always foresee the consequences of his actions. Sometimes he acts without even knowing that he is doing so, he saves someone without even knowing he is saving them, he suffers without even knowing why he is sad.

Yes, life is insane. But the great wisdom of the Warrior lies in choosing his insanity wisely.

- Paulo Coelho, Warrior of the Light, page 95.

*Currently listening to Mad World, Gary Jules*

Princess Vight

She was to be married to the Prince of the neighboring kingdom. There was no engagement but it was simply expected. The people of her kingdom looked forward to this union and in her mind, she believed she would be happy. The Prince and her would meet for strolls around the garden. He was very pleasant, this prince was very agreeable.

One day, close to the royal ball, where the engagement would surely take place, Princess Vight decided to walk around the kingdom's little streets and visit its sweet people. Along the way, she met a merchant selling love letters. 'Letters of love, words of wisdom, prose of passion', he said. The princess was suddenly very curious about these love letters and she buys a couple.

On her way back to the castle, she stops at a garden's bench to read the letters. Word by word, thought by thought, she discovers love through the eyes of a stranger, wisdom through the phrases of someone she's never met, and passion, not earthly passion but torrential yet tender. At that moment, she knows her life will never be the same again...

Good Company.

Healthy, That's what it feels. To have my friends around me. Healthy and happy. Very happy.

Lore and I cooked for what felt like hours. The kitchen was a chaotic mix of laughter, veggies, spices, pasta, music, her loveliness and mine. We kick ass! Dinner was amazing. Everyone showed up late, praised our cooking, and my favorite music dominated the evening: The music that friendly chatter and laughter creates, the music of friendship and love.

I woke up happy, I took a call, chatted online with a friend. Realization hit me. I feel sadness. Deep sadness.

*currently listening to Yellow, Cold Play*

Another Day.

Day 3 of Detox: Fruits, Veggies, Water, Green Tea. Salt/Pepper, Honey - OK. Cheese is introduced.

Friend: 'How did you hurt your knee?'
Me: (without giving it a thought) 'Cosmic Sex'
Friend: 'That's fucking awesome!'

Either she's too gullible or I'm a fantastic liar.

For Today: Buy ingredients for dinner, cook, pick up munchkin, run, do shopping returns, pick up munchkin, drop off munchkin, go home, change, set up dinner, smile, look pretty, be a host.

Will the gays be moving to Iowa? I'd like to see what California's economy would be without them here... Perhaps the people opposing same-sex marriage should consider this.

In the ever-profound words of my darling Summer(time) - Peace ☺, Love ♥ & All That Jazz ♪

*currently listening to The Girls, Calvin Harris*

Not There.

I'm with him. But he's not there anymore.

A Royal Birthday.

My little sister is turning 24...
Party on party people let me hear some noise!

They Rock.

... Sugar Vixens rock...

Mueve tu cuerpo, muevelo, muevelo.

Randomness.

A friend called me with a referral. She said an attorney she knew, needed a legal interpreter for some transcripts and asked me to call her. I called the number given and a man picked up, not a woman as I expected. I explained who I was looking for. He said he was the attorney and explained what he wanted. I listened... Somewhere in the conversation he said: 'My wife and I just divorced, she's going to get married, I'm not... so yeah, I need these transcripts translated'.

What?
I must be an easy target for wife-talk.

I'll charge an extra fee for the random and the weird.

Detox, Day 2: Fruits, cooked or uncooked veggies, salt is incorporated and honey as sweetener. More green tea.

My knee finally looks like a knee. I think I'll be able to run the mountain soon.

*Currently listening to Distractions, L7*

Cleanse It Out.

Today will be day one of a much needed detox.

Day 1: Eat only fruits and uncooked vegetables. No sugar, salt, additives, white carbs or meats. Drink a lot of water, drink green tea.

Games aren't fun when I don't know the rules.

I'll day dream today. Magical forest and a star.

Another dose of the princess: Approach with CAUTION! Kind astrology describes the Water Bearer as an assertive, original, and idealistic individualist who treats every person equally. What you get is an in-your-face eccentric who spouts assorted oddball ideologies to anyone he or she can corner. Aquarius is dual ruled by Uranus and Saturn. Uranus , the planet of abrupt change, brings the revolution. Saturn, the planet of dogma and repression, indicates the status quo. In Aquarius, these two heavy hitters create an unpredictable personality torn between creating change and craving security. (Hazel Dixon-Cooper, Born on a Rotten Day)

*Currently listening to Wicked Game, Chris Isaak*

Simple Happiness.

The day started out with laughter. My family was making breakfast, everything very Colombian of course, arepas, salchichas, cafe con leche... The pain wasn't severe, like yesterday, but still there, to remind me to be careful.

Throughout the day, laughter came easy and family chatter more entertaining. I have a wonderful family, I am blessed. My parents told tales of their month-long vacation and as usual, my (big) laughter was an easy target.

I was in the real world.

Towards the end of the day, reality shifted to fantasy and my imaginary real friend told me of secrets and questions of our existence.

I'll drift on to dream of my real and imaginary lives, both intertwining into a paradise-like land.

Good day, good night, good land.

*currently listening to Amara, she snores*

Sin Nombre.

No le faltaban

abrazos,
ni besos,
ni caricias.

Porque entonces,
le sobraban
tantas lágrimas?

- Entre Tanto, Página 3, Angela Botero López

Nameless.

New York I Love You, But You're Bringing Me Down, Sound of Silver, LCD Soundsystem.

Capable.

Kitchen. Done. Creamy Banana Cream Pie. Lovely.

I can re-do a kitchen in 2 days, plan and carry out a bachelorette party successfully and host a party at a lounge (on the same night) with an excellent turn out. I rock. Yes, Me.

News: Former South Korean President Roh Moo-Hyun committed suicide Saturday by leaping to his death from a hill behind his house, the South Korean government announced. Roh left a suicide note for his family that family lawyer Moon Jae-in handed out to South Korean media. "I am in debt to too many people," the note reads. "Too many people have suffered because of me. And I cannot imagine the suffering they will go through in the future." (CNN)

Note to self: Be good, do well. Always.

*currently listening to the kids play, Amara, Pechis and Memphis are having a blast*

Lousy Morning.

I started painting the cabinets yesterday. It turned out to be more work than I thought it would be. It's one of those 'What did I get myself into' moments.

The kitchen is half banana-cream-pie-creamy and half washed-out natural wood finish, everything from the counters has been moved to various other places, the cabinets are slightly open and there are paint stains (that I hope to be able to remove later) in various inconspicuous places.

Dammit kitchen! Patience... Breathe in... Paint. Finish.

The music will be blasting. Not disruptions until I'm done. I will win this battle. Even if with only 3 hours of sleep.

*currently watching CNN - This world is beautiful, don't listen, it's all crap on TV, there is good in the world*

Dedication. The Brown Haired One.

I feel deeply. That's just the way I'm wired. I feel for myself. I feel for others.

Brown haired one, we've come a long way.

Beginnings aren't always smooth. The middle isn't always clear. Sometimes there's tumult, sometimes there's chaos. When you make it after all of that, you know there's a real chance, hope will never be lost again.

Sometimes I look into your eyes and it's all sadness. I wish I could remove it from you, scalpel in hand, trash bin by my side, I'd burn it. I'm starting to see happiness again. You will see how beautiful everything is again, I promise. We're so blessed. We have one another.

Smile like you did today. Always. And if there are ever any tears, I'd like to be right by your side.

My love always yours. Sisters.

*currently listening to Sooner or Later, Abandoned Pools*

En Mi. Adentro.

Margarita sabe rica,
en Barcelona es muy culona.
Dame un beso Pedro rico,
que te veo y yo palpito.
De pies a cabeza...
¿Lo sabes?
Te mentí.

En los pocos momentos en los que alcanzo a pensar seriamente en un futuro marcado por sencillez y diciplina me encuentro de nuevo con tentaciones nuevas. Zapatos y rumba, un placentero momento a solas contemplando el universo en el que yo soy reina.

¿Donde han quedado los secretos de mi alma? No son secretos, son tesoros. Son solo míos.

Besos y estrellas, luces de multi-color. Danzas paganas y esencias florales de un mundo mágico... Es mi mundo y tu eres un mito.

Arriba, al centro, pa'lante y pa'dentro!

*currently listening to Chan Chan, Compay Segundo, Buena Vista Social Club*

Really Listen.

Ladies & Gentlemen

I will be your host. You will be my playthings!

Has recreation taken a turn toward boredomtown? Never in my universe.

See ya all there!

*currently listening to Don't Feel Like Dancing, Scissor Sisters*

Last Request.

Slow down, Lie down,
Remember it's just you and me.
Don't sell out, bow out,
Remember how this used to be.

I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight

Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don't shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,
But one last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me

Oh, I've found, that I'm bound
To wander down that one way road.
And I realize all about your lies
But I'm no wiser than the fool I was before.

I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let's get closer tonight


Oh, baby, baby, baby,
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?

Yeah, lay down beside me.

One last time let's go there,
Lay down beside me

- Paolo Nutini

Postponed. Never Cancelled.

Painting my kitchen cabinets has been moved to Friday. It will happen this week, no matter what. Things came up and although it bothers me when I have a plan and it has to mutate, it will give me more time to imagine all the painting and artistic technique I will apply to my masterpiece.

Amara has decided to like Pechan and Memphis. She's stopped hissing at them and she's even sharing her royal basket for them to use for naps. Either some kindness has crept into her or she's proceeding with disregard... Who to know her thoughts!

Aquarius: Element - Air, electrically charged and unpredictable. You know the storm is coming, you just don't know when or with what force. Quality - Fixed, Aquarius is the human version of the tornado that carried Dorothy to Oz. Key Phrase - Resistance is futile. (Hazel Dixon-Cooper, Born on a Rotten Day).

The Game. Wicked. Me.

Every time I can get my hand on his iPhone, I go straight to 'Are You Smarter Then a 5th Grader'. My theory is this: First, you learn this in First, Second, Third, Fourth and Fifth grade. That's like, a million years ago. This is information that you don't use on a daily basis. How are you to remember all of it? Second, I'm not American and my knowledge of Social Studies and American History consist of my self-teaching and some gathered in college. For the most part, I win an honest 82% of the time. When I don't win, it drives me insane! How can I NOT be smarter than a fifth grader? It's unacceptable. After a good half hour of me playing and ignoring him completely, he'll tap on my shoulder, extend his hand and take the phone away from me. The online game is a joke, same questions over and over again, I always win now. No challenge there.

I picked B up from school and he wasn't feeling well. I drove him to his house and got to hang out with his sisters T and S. I made them coupons for presents. I feel like I should spoil them as much as I want, and as much as their parents will allow. B received a 'fun day with me at ESPN Zone' coupon, T one for a day at the beach and S one for a soccer game, it's her new sport of choice. Sometimes, I have more fun with them than with my fellow-adult-peeps.

Dinner and plotting with R was a success. She's bright, and lovely. I wonder how long it will take for her to realize this truly and evaporate.

"In historical events great men _so called_ are but the labels that serve to give a name to an event, and like labels, they have the last possible connection with the event itself. Every action of theirs, that seems to them an act of free will, is in an historical sense not free at all, but in bondage to the whole course of a previous history, and predestined from all eternity"

-Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoi, War and Peace.

Upon Myself. Not Bad.

Today: Pick up B from school, drive him to religious school, hang out with T and S, I haven't seen them in a week and that feels like too long. Kids are smarter than the average adult. There's this simplicity about them. Better than a scholarly lesson, play with children for about 2 hours, you'll be different.

Tonight: R1 and I will discuss our project. I've requested that this is done over dinner at Zen Zoo. Rachel-1 is a super-awesome-cosmic woman. I just tag along in her greatness.

Tomorrow: I'm re-doing my kitchen. All by myself. Yes, I wandered into Home Depot yesterday and picked up what I think I need. I exaggerate, technically, I'm only painting the cabinets. That will give my kitchen a totally different look. So yes, I can say it however I want, I'm re-doing the kitchen... The new color? Banana Cream Pie! Who doesn't LOVE pie? (Important: If YOU don't like pie, please keep that info to yourself).

Tomorrow Evening: I'm taking the other Rachel (Rachel-A) out for Colombian food and shoe shopping... How will I explain that Colombians don't really eat dinner? I'll sit at the table with her and tell her about every option for her to order... I'll smile and watch her enjoy!

Thursday: Hopefully, my kitchen will be done and I will dedicate myself entirely to the two parties I'm putting together for Friday. I need to learn to say NO. But a challenge is so much fun!

Right now: I'm wondering if I'll ever hear it. No, not a calling. More like a call. Human. If there's just one slight possibility of it happening, I would like to know. That defies the purpose of the element of surprise. Who needs a surprise when over-all certainty is possible?

Happy Tuesday - Taco Tuesday - Tuesday of Twos - Tarantula Tuesday

Chop It Off.

There was a message that felt harsh. I re-read it many times.
I broke it apart.

My mind works in mysterious ways. Self-preservation comes first.

I deleted all information. Any link. Everything.

Then, after allowing myself to mellow down, I chose a way to let it out.

I've done my part. Even without understanding why I should.

I would have had it differently. Boundaries are allies, they're welcome in my land.

*currently listening to Amara, bath time*

I Will, For Now.

Curry. I'm thinking of curry.

I will be doing all the cooking this week. With everything going on the next couple of week, it will be smart of me to do the cooking. Except for Wednesday. On Thursday, I'll cook up a storm and have Mauro over. A girl is allowed a man as a best friend. I miss my Dino.

Cayenne pepper. Fish.

The mountain looks very tall today. I will walk to the mountain and slowly, make my way up. iPod, check. Hiking shoes, check. Patience, check. Day one of mountain-cardio. Bring it on!

Parallel parking in one swift movement is an art form. My car sits 2 feet away from the curb. Lore is going to do her lessons again.

How to write a book?

The Musical Problem & Mine

With Music: Mainstream radio is all politics. This is the conclusion I have arrived at. Mainstream radio stations play the same music over and over again until you hate the song. The same artists, the same concept spread out for everyone to be smothered with. There's no message. There's no reason.

What happens with the million-plus artists who are truly more talented than those picked up by the radio stations? What happens to us, the listeners, who will never get a chance to hear truly good music? Is it right that the average young adult has no knowledge of music's history? That they have never heard great voices as influential as Billie Holiday's, Etta James, Chuck Berry (to say the least)... Ask any random person on the street, rocking out on their iPods, if he or she knows how their favorite genre came to be...

I can't claim to know everything about music's history or musicians in particular. I can claim responsibility for trying. For looking into it. For expanding my need for fulfillment to unknown territories and discovering treasures. I will stick it to the man.

Pretty cool article here.

My Problem: I was given specific instructions that I wish to disregard. Will this make me inconsiderate? Will it make me brave? At least, by disregarding the instructions I've been given I'll be staying true to myself, since it is what I really want to do. I don't like games I don't understand.

Today is Monday.

*currently listening to Perfect Company, A Cursive Memory*

Even By A Little.

I was asked for advice on living happily. 'Excuse me, you're asking me what?'

I suppose that it makes sense. I am mostly happy. The thing is, I assumed everyone is.

I must be the luckiest gal on earth!

*currently listening to the the birds outside my window and the wind blowing through it, getting ready to go to Affair in the Garden*

Did I Skip It?

My sister was just telling me that Colombian woman are programmed to be girlfriends, wives, mothers. Generally speaking, I would agree. What happened with me? Perhaps, the lesson took place while I was too busy rollerskating in the basement of our New York home when I was 10, dancing to the tunes of Flash Dance's soundtrack or anything by Madonna.

Perhaps I didn't miss it. Perhaps.

*currently, still, very happy, listening to The Party, Justice, and getting ready to go to the Chivas game*

Home is Happiness

As soon as I walked through the door, I found Amara purring and meowing. She was so happy to see me. Nothing compares to the thrill I felt to hold her furry body and give her a gentle squeeze. She's definitely my Baby.

I want to know what hush puppies are.

Howling was fun. Dollar drinks are seriously dangerous. Summer rocks.

I want: Hot pink stilettos, a new laptop (I may go Mac) and to actually enjoy the soccer game I'm going to. Go Chivas?

*currently extremely happy, listening to Night Timing, Coconut Records*

Home Bound.

The desert has no mercy, it's relentless. This house is too big, yet the walls are closing in on me. I'm going home!

The boy will know I was thinking of him. His dirty shoes and sad face.

Time for a drive.

*currently in silence*

I think the only reason why I ever wanted to play the piano well was to please my father. I miss that big thing. When I think of it, I think of La Comparsita.

I read Sabriel for the second time. It's not about the book, it's about the magic, the bitter-sweet land between life and death, the journey, the coming to be.

'She was taught to love the life of others... but not her own. You have to teach her to love if you want her to truly live! Do you love her?'

'I... I don't know! We hardly know each other... it takes time!'

'I don't have time... I need to know.'

'Listen, the last time I admitted to a woman I loved her ... I never saw her again.'

*currently listening to Holographic Universe, The Cosmic Game, Thievery Corporation*

No One's Gonna Love You

It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.

Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone
They should have warned you

When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down

Hard.


- Band of Horses

Take Me. Away.

I lose myself in books and movies, especially when I need to leave my current reality and be taken away to a different realm. That's not always the reason for books and films but it's always been my escape, when I've needed one.

I watched 'I've loved you so long' last night. I cried. I loved it!

I think my Father would have liked Los Angeles, and like me, I think he would have appreciated the desert but he would have wanted to go back to the city as soon as possible. I think he would have been fascinated by my driving skills and not petrified like most of the people who have been my passengers. We would have had fun listening to many records and watching many films. He would have been my partner in crime at discovering new eateries and discussing alternate life forms... I think of him. It's bittersweet. I would have liked to have so much more of him and I want to curse him for ever leaving us, for leaving my Mother, my sister, ME, his favorite. Gone somewhere far, gone to die alone. Here would have been better than that.

Silver poodles, apple pies and roses. The roses are dead.

I want to revive My Life As A Princess, maybe.

*Currently listening to Girl from Ipanema, Astrud Gilberto*

Live Music.

Electric Daisy Carnival - Taking place in LA on June 26 and 27. Line up: Thievery Corporation, Paul Van Dyke, Diesel Boy, Paul Oakenfold, Fat Boy Slim, Benny Benassi, David Gueta, Infected Mushroom, Roger Sanchez, Tortured Soul, Simian Mobile Disco, DJ AM, SunFocus, and many, many more... I'm there!

Lollapolooza - Taking place in Chicago, August 7-9. Line up: Depeche Mode, Tool, The Killers, Jane's Addiction, Beastie Boys, Kings of Leon, Thievery Corporation, TV on the Radio, Vampire Weekend, The Decemberists, Band of Horses, Arctic Monkeys, Silversun Pickups, Santigold, Peter Bjorn & John, Lykke Li, White Lies, Adher Roth, Bat for Lashes, Manchester Orchestra, Alberta Cross, and many, many more... I so want to go. So...

After Coachella, all I want to do is rock my gorgeous butt off!

*currently watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show with my grandma*

Confused.

I should start by clarifying that when I say or refer to 'my baby', I am not referring to my boyfriend. I really do mean my baby, my Mara.

Movies to watch as soon as possible: I've loved you so long (French - Il y a longtemps que je t'aime) and Elegy.

Things to do as soon as possible: Write a book.

I'm at my parents' home. It feels strange without them here. I have a room here, but it doesn't feel like it's mine. It feels alien, borrowed. The back yard is huge to me. They have an apple tree, grapes, a peach tree, various plants I don't know and bird houses, a fountain and what they call a 'vertical pool'. A bird made its nest on one of the pots, the plant is dead, I can see little eggs. The desert soothes me and also makes me anxious, I keep waiting for something to happen.

Every once in a while, a person will come into my life and make me question what I believe in and how I carry on with my life. When I'm feeling so many things at such intensity, I long for the slumber of feeling distant, numb. Happily oblivious, to be more precise.

*currently listeining to Diosa Coronada, La Tierra del Olvido, Carlos Vives*